Last night I went out with a friend to a local hot spot. Not really my kind of place, but when you live in the suburbs (he does) the idea of a hot place is different. I as sat at the table looking around, I felt like such an outsider. That feeling I get that life is a sitcom, and I can only watch. Pretty people everyplace, people talking having a good time…the whole thing looks like a beer commercial. Everything is its place, people laughing, dancing, drinking…and me watching from the outside. I had a drink last night, first one in a long while…I think it will be a long while again. I drank, thinking I will loosen up a little and try am mingle.
Some how I missed that gene. The gene that make it possible to walk up to a complete stranger and start a conversation of thin air. I watch from my seat, a women in what I would guess is in her 40’s wearing a wedding ring, hitting on (and being hit on) by a 21 year old. I watch as there a about 15 guys that just watch the girls dance by walking around the dance floor…no doubt lust addict like me taking a hit from their drug. If they are like me, what they really want is the one “hot” women in the place to just walk up and say ”lets go fuck in the bathroom now!” I had this happen to me once…scared the shit out of me, and I didnt go through with it. What kind of women does that? What kind of dance of life is this?
I am lonely, I will be the first to say so. I would love to meet someone. But this just seems like a plethora of bullshit.
I pray every night fro God to bring someone into my life , someone that can love, and be real. I am waiting, and waiting on God…maybe I am not ready, but I am sure willing. 3 years is a long time alone…
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