Just woke up, first time on the whole holiday I’ve woken up after 11. I even think it’s the first time since this summer, all the weekends during the year has been early nights so I could do more under the day. But some time has to be the first.
I thought of B before I went to bed. I told myself I would be honest, but I actually lied twice yesterday – both times to B.
- First time was when I said I like him. Thats not true. I realised that this morning since I felt a wage feeling of guilt. I’m fooling him. I tried to tell him that I think he deserves someone who can love him the way he love me, but he didn’t listen. So I said I like him just not that much.
- Second lie was when he asked if I’ve had phone sex with anyone ever. I said Yes. Mostly ’cause …I don’t know actually. If I told thins to someone else, like a friend, then I would say “because I wanted to make him jealous” but that’s not true.
Thinking about letting him come up maybe next week. Truth is, I’m scared. If he comes, we’re gonna have sex and then f@#¤§ing what? Like I would give my virginity to him…
Done with talk about B now or else i’m gonna be one of those girls who are more like stalker than girlfriends. (WOW, it felt weird writing girlfriend… )
Today my BEAUTIFUL homework are waiting for me. Something about economy and a fiction family with an economic situation I’m suppose to solve. Don’t feel i’m in mood for that so I guess it’s musictime instead. I wanna finish at least two songs during these free weeks and maybe present them to the band. I’ve got a massive pianointro to one of them, and I get goosebumps just talking about it. Haha, I just remembered it’s Day Five of the holiday and I haven’t had a social company since monday. I’ll try to return to social life next week, just not in mood now.
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