Wednesday, September 30, 2009

How You Know You Are Slacking Off

One of the problems in many marriages is couples are slackers. While we are dating, we work so hard, we get ready whenever we are going to see that person, we wash our clothes, take a shower, make sure we smell good, look good. Even the thought of not being “ready” to see your boyfriend or girlfriend while dating brings horror to our minds while dating. Men, while you are dating, you are constantly pursuing your girlfriend. Whatever she wants to do, you want to do. Whether it is shopping, sitting and talking for hours, just “being” with her. We are willing to sit for hours and say nothing while dating, we just want to be with the other person.

Enter marriage.

Do you know what happens?

We become the laziest people on the planet. We stop trying. It is no longer important to wear clean clothes, smell good, take a shower everyday. Married men will just smell clothes before putting them on and think that is okay. They will wear boxers with stains and holes and not care. They no longer want to shop, sit and talk and forget sitting in silence together for any length of time unless you are eating or driving. We call that a small step in the direction of connecting because we are in the same vicinity.

Women are the same way. While dating you were interested in everything he did. You wanted to know about what excited him, his dreams, you wanted to hear all the things he was going to do with his life. Now, you could careless about his day, his problems or what he does. In fact, do you know what he does at work?

What about dress? Now I know I am walking on some thin ice, but hear me out. I see my wife everyday, so I know how busy and hectic a house can be, especially with young kids around. There are very few moments of quiet, let alone minutes in a row to brush teeth, fix your hair or take a shower. I get it. But, you have to try. Your husband spends all day at work with women who care about what he does and care about how they look. He can’t come home everyday and find someone who does not care about his day (most men complain they feel their wife cares more about the kids and their day and than she does about his day) and who does not try with her appearance. This does not mean you have to look like you did not spend all day with kids or whatever you did, but try. Really, that is all he wants.

So are you slacking off?

Not sure yet.

Here are some more questions (from Perry Noble):

He’s Slacking Off When…

  • What is special to her is no longer special to him – you didn’t have this attitude when you were dating, but once you married her you thought, “I don’t have to work now!”  Wrong…you’ve got to work harder!
  • You won’t pray with her or for her!
  • You stop pursuing her romantically and sexually.
  • You see her as your servant rather than your opportunity to serve.
  • You want to use her for sex and don’t care if she truly feels connected romantically to you.
  • You talk down to her and/or constantly raise your voice to her.
  • You compare her to other women…in front of her.
  • You are keeping secrets from her.

She’s Slacking Off When…

  • You love talking about him (in your prayer gossip group) but have no desire to talk to him about the problem.
  • You love it when he spends more time at work…that means you don’t have to be around him as much.
  • You disrespect him out loud and often in front of your children.
  • You know TONS about the lives of your kids…but are clueless about what is going on in his life.
  • You withold sex to punish him and/or to get your way.
  • You are keeping secrets from him.

The fastest way to an unhappy marriage or divorce is laziness.

I know what you are thinking, that is a lot of work. Yep. If you thought marriage meant you got to stop trying, you got duped. You wake up everyday and have to go to work. Staying plugged in emotionally, relationally, sexually, spiritually is work, it doesn’t just happen.

Here are some ideas to stay away from laziness:

  • Weekly date night
  • Ask about each other’s day and listen
  • Sex, as often as you can (it is not coincidence that every book and study says happy couples have sex a lot)
  • To help with sex, go through your underwear drawer every year and throw stuff out and buy news ones (this is for both of you)
  • Pretend you are still dating, look your best for your spouse (every spouse has a different definition of what a 10 is, find out what it is and dress like that)
  • Men, pursue your wife
  • Have a yearly get away
  • Turn the TV off

What would you add? How can a couple stay away from being lazy?

How has being a bisexual woman enhanced my sex life?

Let me start this blog by sharing a little bit of my history with you.  You see, I am a 40+ year old bisexual woman that is finally very comfortable with her sexuality.  I didn’t start out that way though…it was due to my years of dating women that I actually learned how to connect with my body, my mind, my sensuality and what “did it for me.”

There was a time when an orgasm was so far out of the question it wasn’t even funny.  There had only been one man that had brought me to an orgasm without me having to work hard for it.  Anything before and after that was a chore or a grammy award winning performance.

There came a time in my life where I felt that if anyone would know how to please a woman, it would be another woman.  Hmm!!! How naive was I?  I found women to be just as clumsy, just as theatrical as I had been.  There was a certain something that I was looking for that I could not find…no matter HOW MANY women I tried.

Then it hit me…what if it wasn’t the other person’s fault, male OR female? What if my dissatisfaction with a lot of my sexual encounters was a result of me not knowing what brought me pleasure? What if all that time, it was me?  Was it a mental block, was there something about me and my thoughts about sex that was blocking me from having that multi-orgasmic experience?

That’s when I decided to take matters into my own hands…literally!  I began to explore my body, my mind, my heart and my preconceived notions of what sex was to suppose to be like.  My catholic school education taught me that masturbation was a sin and that sex for any other reason but to procreate was a sin as well.  Although I had sex ANYWAY, the thought of doing something wrong was always in the back of my mind.

How could something that brought me so much pleasure…when I was in my right mind…be so wrong? Why couldn’t I enjoy the sexual encounters I was having mind, body and soul?  I was determined to find the answers and buck whatever system I needed to in order to get to the feeling – the climax I was looking for?

Dating women allowed me not only to explore my body…but other women’s bodies as well.  Looking at each sexual encounter as an adventure allowed me to open up and not be afraid anymore.  I could ask for what I wanted, state what I didn’t like and suggest to my partner different ways to approach me sexually without worrying about bruising a male ego.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stating that ALL men are unable to accept constructive instruction, just the men that I had been with.

Once I learned that it was okay to want certain things, to try new things and to be open about what I want and I don’t want the door opened for me.  My sex life became one of confidence, one of really knowing, understanding and appreciating the body that I was in and not being afraid to share what I had learned with the women AND the men that were to follow.

There is something about a woman that is confident in the bedroom. She walks different, talks different as though she knows a sensual little secret that no one else knows.  Sort of like wearing sexy underwear to work or even to church when only YOU know what you have on underneath your clothes.

So what will you experiment with to get in touch with YOUR sensual side?  I’d love to know.

Sensually, Kandi

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Shag Bands...

Seriously… why do Europeans get all of the cool shit? Carnal Nation has the details on the latest sexual trend amongst British adolescents (via The Daily Mirror).

Kids say and do the darndest things, especially when it comes to sex. In my day, eating green M&Ms meant you were horny. On the playground, it was a largely innocent but still titillating game among the prepubescent set. But parents and government officials in Britain are ready to snap over the latest ’sex’ fad popular with schoolchildren—shag bands. We probably all remember jellies, those rubbery, brightly colored ‘friendship’ bracelets, but these days they come with color-coded benefits. Reportedly snapping someone’s band requires you to perform a sexual act that corresponds to the color of the band.

The bands are sold in packs of 6 or 10 at many stores selling candy and other things of interest to kids. Because of the ‘urban legend’ about their sexual signification and, in some cases, some explicit packaging, government minister Mary Creagh wants to ban the sale of the bands to anyone under 16. She has already contacted several retailers to request that they stop selling the bracelets.

According to Urban Dictionary each color corresponds to a different sexual activity.

Black = intercourse
Blue = oral sex
Pink = flashing
Yellow = big hug
Purple = kiss
Clear = whatever snapper chooses
Green = fingering
Fluorescent = using sex toys
Glitter = the girl chooses
Indigo = masturbation and oral sex
Orange = petting

New

10 Months…40 Posts….A New Me….and New You’s

I’m back, and I’ll be updating the site more now, since I have about 20 weeks (Five Months) off of traveling back and forth,

I’m have made a Mature and reasonable decision,

I’ve decited to keep the site for 22 More months,

why 22?

Well, the site’s 1st Anniversary will be on Nov.9, 09

And I wanted to keep the site for two more years,

And I promise to do more Posts and Advice Colums starting today,

So Mucha love, and have a great day….

Monday, September 28, 2009

10 Kalimat Bahaya Yang Tidak Perlu di Ucapkan Setelah Bercinta

Berhubungan seks dengan pasangan yang Anda cintai memang mengasyikkan. Saling memuji dan berbicara santai setelah berhubungan juga akan terasa menyenangkan. Namun, Anda juga perlu berhati-hati. Jangan sampai ucapan yang berbahaya terlontar dari mulut Anda.

Setelah tuntas bercinta, jika percakapan terus berlanjut, pastikan Anda tidak mengucapkan 10 hal berikut. Seperti VIVAnews kutip dari Lemondrop, 26 September 2009, 10 kalimat berikut dijamin akan membuat pasangan Anda mengerutkan dahi, bahkan lompat seketika dari ranjang Anda.

1. “Tadi itu lumayan.”
Apakah kalian baru saja menonton film di bioskop? atau menikmati sebuah teater di gedung kesenian? Jika Anda benar-benar menikmati hubungan seks itu, itu fantastis. Tapi, coba utarakanlah dengan kata lain. “Amazing!”, “It’s hot!”, atau “Luar biasa!” bisa jadi permulaan yang baik.

2. “Sekarang kamu mau ngapain?”
Pertanyaan ini membuat pasangan Anda berpikir bahwa Anda memandang seks sebagai sebuah tugas.

3. “Lho, kok berhenti?”
Tuhan pun bisa tertawa. Hanya itu satu-satunya penjelasan yang bisa kami berikan.

4. “Kamu nggak apa-apa kan?”
Jika Anda mulai menangis, hilangkan rasa simpati dan berpura-pura tidak memperhatikan. Serius, walaupun Anda sedang berada di titik ‘kebahagiaan’, hal terakhir yang ingin Anda rasakan adalah malu.

5. “Ini bukan salahmu, tapi salahku!”
Quote satu ini terlontar ketika pasangan Anda mengalami ejakulasi dini, misalnya. Tapi, satu ini masih bisa ditolerir. Karena, seorang pria gengsi tinggi bisa menjawab, “Ya, kamu benar. Kamu memang terlalu ‘hot’ untuk seorang pria normal sepertiku.”

6. “Oh, aku lapar.”
Ini menunjukkan bahwa, selama pasangan Anda mencoba untuk memuaskan Anda, Anda justru memikirkan makanan, yang sama sekali tidak terbesit sedikit pun di kepala sang pria.

7. “Mau coba lagi?”
Kami kira seorang pria “bom seks” pun akan gemetaran mendengar kata ‘coba lagi’ yang terasosiasi dengan ranjang. Bagaimanapun, pria tak bisa disamakan dengan robot pemuas kebutuhan seks.

8. “Setiap orang kan memiliki hari sial.”
Hindari kalimat ini walaupun biasanya pasanganmu cukup perkasa di sesi-sesi sebelumnya. Dia akan merasa kecewa karena Anda tidak menganggapnya perkasa lagi.

9. “Kamu nggak keberatan kan kalau aku selesaikan sendiri?”
Tentu saja tidak. Tapi, pasangan Anda akan berpikir, Anda tidak lagi membutuhkannya bagaikan sampah. Karena Anda bisa memuaskan diri sendiri tanpa ada dia. Lakukan saja langsung tanpa permisinya. ‘Pertunjukan’ Anda pasti akan dapat membantu mengobati egonya yang terluka.

10. “Itu terjadi dengan banyak pria.”
Jika Anda mengucapkan kalimat ini, kombinasi kata-kata yang paling menjijikkan yang pernah ada, itu berarti Anda sudah layak untuk tidak dipuaskan.

First time

Oh, first time stories! Don’t you love them! When you just lost it, it’s soo exciting to just tell sommeone about it! OMG, you’re not a virgin anymore! You’re… better than everyone else. Or, at least you try to pretend you’re better.

Truth is, you have no clue what just happened. No clue if you liked it. No clue about anything for that matter. But, I mean, hey, it’s a new eperience, better be excited about it!

Then, you grow up and laugh about it.

Now, for the purpose of this post, I’ll just go with my girlfriends again. I mean, just to get it straight, most of my friends are guys, but their stories aren’t even half as entertaining.

Back when I was a snotty shorty, me and my two girlfriends, whom I’ve known since forever ago, made a bet. Who’s gonna lose it first, second and last! This was back when guys were stupid (well, some of them still are) and we didn’t begin to bleed out of our vaginas yet. Oh, the simple life. So I went first and told everyone I was going to lose it last. Meanwhile, since I was dating soccer players 6 yrs+ older than me at the time, both of them were outraged. “You calling me a whore?”. I didn’t see that one coming. But time passed, and I was the only one that got the order right. But before I start talking about the real deal, let me set some things straight:

First off, why is it called “losing” your virginity? Is it like your car keys or id, you just misplaced it? Really? Oh yeah, and popping your cherry isn’t going to sound a whole lot nicer either.

Secondly, we didn’t have sex ed where I grew up. So you can imagine the myths circulating about sex. (oh yeah, and this was before the dawn of the internet).

And thirdly, since all of my friends have always been guys, I found out was sex was when I was 3 or 4. The years to come just added to the vast amount of info on sex I had gathered.

Now, story time. It was the summer of our 18th birthdays. Both my friends have gone through base 1,2 and3, but not homerun yet. Now, I don’t understand girls. They say stuff like “But I like it when he fondles my bare boob.” but then “but I don’t want to have sex.”. Basically, they’ll do anything BUT sex. Why in God’s name are they so scared about? Well, being whores, it hurting, a lot, and, that’s about it. Now, just a quick side note, I knew this girl from catholic school once, she actually tried to convert me to catholocism (and, btw, I’m christian) and was SSSOOOOO wholy. She planned to save herself till marriage, which is an amazing thing, this day and age, so she had anal sex all the time. Really?! Really, you’re a 23 year old telling me you’re a virgin but random guys have been backdooring you for 10 years, and you want me to not laugh at you? Some people just need therapy, man.

In the meantime, I would have probably gotten aroused by 1,2,3 base as well, (hell, I do now) BUT I chose not to go there. Why? cause sex is just sexual pleasure (at least when you’re a teen- and whoever decides that they were having more than sex, making love even, go f*** yourself, or get a therapist). You fondling my breasts till I wet my pants- sexual pleasure again. So, it was logical for me to not go that way at all. So, I enjoyed life, and had tons of clean fun with my guy friends without it being all awkward that no, I can’t be alone with him, OMG! And, yeah, I was a kid till I was 20.

Going back to my girlfriends. So, summer when we turned 18, one of them decided to let me in on her first sexual experience. Yeah, we had all heard it hurts. Cool, I was expecting that. But Sweet Jesus, this girl was in pain. Agony, even! So I ask: “Wait, no foreplay beforehand?” She says: “No, of course, we made out for 10 minutes. But then, after we took our clothes off, I got scared, and it took him 3 painful tries to get it in.” So I’m sitting there in total awe. Is this guy for real? And most importantly, why is my best girlfriend telling me this, with a smile on her face. So I ask her and she responds: “Oh, I love him.” At this point I want to puke, slap her and beat the living shit out of the guy, all at once. But she continues: “Oh yeah, it feels weird, but he gets off really fast, so I enjoy pleasuring him.  I was sore for a week and bled for the first 5 times.” I’m still in awe. “But because I was too sore, he wanted to have anal sex afterwards, and THAT hurt.” At this point, it’s too much info hitting me all at once. Need to process. Focus, V, focus. So we sit in silence for like 15 minutes, as I probably turned all shades of white, yellow, red and purple. I try to breath, but I managed to hiss out: “He fucked you for 5 times in a row, then in the ass cause you were too sore. And, you love him?” Meanwhile, she, who had been referring to IT as being “love making” (oh  how amusing), and who, btw, didn’t orgasm once, replies with a scared/pissed face: “We didn’t FUCK, we made love. You wouldn’t know anything about it, cause you’ve never experienced it.” And leaves.

So, I end up pissed as hell. Here I am, talking to my best friend, a beautiful, funny girl who could probably get any guy out there, and I’m a jackass cause I call it as it was: the love of her life (this ugly, fat, douche with a ghetto accent and an attitude, that didn’t even show up for her 18th bday party) fucked her 5 times in two days, then proceded to fuck her in the ass cause the poor girl was bleeding and sore. And her “mature” ass loves him. And again, I’m the insensitive cunt of the story. Wow, women are stupid.

Coming up next: The second best friend. Now this one, who had been dating another douche (that’s what happens to good, hot girls) decided to brake up with him, cause he wouldn’t have sex with her since it would have been statutory rape (well, that’s the only nice thing he ever did), drag our asses for a 3 day mini vacation for her birthday, disappear the second night, come back at 4 am, not talk for half a day, and then, over lunch, brake it to us plain and simple. We had been asking her all day what happened. Nothing, she says. So we say, okay, she’s probably pissed off at her ex. Cool. She was just staring into space, and, my other friend kept getting aggravated that she “wasn’t in the mood” for anything, while she kept asking her what we should do for her official bday celebration. I let them be and proceeded to devour my salad, when, out of the blue: “I want to stay at the hotel tonight and hang out. That will be fun. Oh, and I lost my virginity last night.” God, how I remember that damned piece of iceberg salad that got stuck in my throat, I thought I would die then and there. But, after some unsuccessful heimlich maneuvers, I finally got a grip, and, all purple and sweaty asked “Wait. What did you just say?”. And there it was. While waiting in line for the bathroom she asked the guy in front of her if he wanted to have sex. Went on the beach. The guy shoved it in, she screamed, he stopped, and asked her dumbstruck if she was a virgin. She told him to finish. Got up, found a bench, smoked a pack. We were staring at her in shock. In 1 minute she told us how her first time went. After a while I just started laughing. This was typical. More like typical me, but typical. “Anything you would like to add?” I asked her while still laughing and my other friend still in shock. “Yeah, it’s overrated, hurts like a bitch, and don’t do it in sandy premises. Bad idea.” Now we were all laughing.

So there you have it, the two most common first times in girls: the deflower-me-so-you-can-love-me type and the just-get-it-over-with-already type. Both times it hurts. Both times it makes a funny story. Now, there’s also a rarer, I-got-ravished-and-orgasmed-like-crazy type, but I’ll illustrate that later on.

Of course, I’ve heard stories of other people, other friends, and sometimes drunk customers in my bar (God I wish I wouldn’t remember those). Guys are usually gentlemen about it: “we had sex, it was great”. Well, except the insecure little cunts that make up some ridiculous porn movie scene “oh yeah I gave it to her good, she was screaming for more” (really? you’re 16 and she’s screeming for more, 2 minute-man?). And girlfriends who I’ve met in college,  and honestly, I don’t care bout details of the sex lives, sometimes share funny stories when drunk, but they all fall under the 3 cathegories mentioned before. And they all start like this: “My first time, giggle, it hurt like a bitch…”

Now for the moral of the story. What I came to understand is that it doesn’t hurt like a bitch. It hurts compared to regular sex once you get the hang of it and becomes pleasurable. But really girls? Grown ass women that endure medieval torture every 3 weeks or so when they have to go in for their brazilian, that want children and give childbirth, that have had cramps, migranes, bloatiness and ovary pain once a month since their vaginas started bleeding, that torture themselves on skyhigh heels, pull on their hair to make it straight, get shaving rash after shaving their legs everyday, and go to the spa to get their faces chemically peeled (with acid, that is)? And I’ll think of more in a minute, if I haven’t managed to make my point yet.

And again, since we didn’t have sex ed, we did not get the stupid videos on how it’s not supposed to hurt, but only cause a minor “disconfort”. Still, videos or not, I’m pretty sure even girls with A+ in that class still trusted their more experienced peers, friends and parents even, who did say that it HURTS. Now the issue is no one tells you that sex itself is pleasurable afterwards (or at least it’s supposed to be). Why?

Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Ethereal Stones - chapter 7

Because he wasn’t fully acclimated to the vibrational frequency of this world, XirRoq was having difficulty maintaining a stable image. He knew it would stabilize in time, just as it had the last time he was here on Danaria. Meanwhile, he just had to keep a low profile. If anyone noticed d’Oessler shifting into something other than a Danarian, they might get suspicious. One or two people he could easily handle, however, if too many people noticed, he might lose his anonymity. He wasn’t particularly afraid, since his overview of the planet had revealed that those who had imprisoned him before no longer existed. However, his last visit to Danaria had taught him not to underestimate the Danarians. They were exceedingly tricky, and resourceful.

As his image settled once more into the visage of d’Oessler, he sifted through some of the resonance manipulator’s memories. Techniques for various resonance manipulations came to him, and he smiled as he scrolled through them. Most of them were child’s play, at least to him, and not very interesting. However, there was one—a new one, that the man had recently acquired.

Turning toward the table, he spied the pitcher of water. With a gentle tugging of the energies comprising that water, he soon had a pitcher of fire. Laughter erupted from the lips of the d’Oessler image, as he watched the flames dance inside the glazed pitcher. Pulling on the energies again, the flames disappeared, and when XirRoq looked inside the pitcher, he saw it was filled with clear, water.

He lifted the pitcher and poured part of the contents across his outstretched hand. It was cool, almost chill. Setting the pitcher back on the table, he yanked the energies until the flames erupted again. Picking up a piece of parchment, he held it to the flames, and watched, delighted, as the parchment began to burn. When the flames reached his fingers, he dropped the remaining piece of parchment into the pitcher, then he again pulled on the energies, turning the flames back into water. Amazing, he thought. It’s so simple, yet he would never have thought to attempt manipulating the energies in that manner.

Wondering what else the crazy resonance manipulator might have known, he sifted through the rest of d’Oessler’s memories. Some of the items were incomplete, as if parts of the man’s mind had been missing or damaged, while others seemed not to have made the transition from d’Oessler to XirRoq. Either way, it was frustrating. The two most tantalizing, yet incomplete memories were the ones that indicated that d’Oessler had many documents and techniques—some that weren’t even translated yet—from the time when XirRoq had first visited Danaria, a period d’Oessler had referred to as the ‘time of the Ol’Dans’. The other memory that XirRoq found both tantalizing and irritating because of its incompleteness had to do with some youth that d’Oessler had here in the castle. The memory hinted at the fact that the boy had some great power, but there was no indication as to what that power was. Nor was there a memory as to where in the castle this youth was. If the boy contained a power that impressive, XirRoq knew that eventually he would sense him. When he did, well, the boy would make a nice addition to those facades he could assume. As for the documents from the Ol’Dans, they were supposed to be in the south tower. Since they contained the resonance manipulating techniques from when he had first visited Danaria, maybe one of the documents that d’Oessler had would have some information on how to manipulate the gateway.

As XirRoq left the room to find the south tower, he pulled the resonance on the water once more, and laughed again as flames began dancing around the top of the pitcher.

*****

T’khara poked his head through the dark opening, along with the torch. What he saw was a small room, probably at the top of the south tower, he thought. There were no windows, and seemingly no doors except for the trapdoor in which he stood. Climbing the last few steps, he looked around the stuffy little room.

It appeared to hold nothing but papers and documents, some on the floor-to-ceiling shelves that covered every inch of the walls, and others scattered about the wooden floor. Holding the torch aloft, T’khara moved away from the opening in the floor. He walked over to one of the bookcases and gazed at all of the different documents. Some were loose, others were held together with string, while still others were bound up as books, with fancy leather covers. He even saw quite a few parchments wrapped around wooden spindles. Most of those were simply lying about, but some had been wrapped in satin pouches. Intrigued by a beautifully carved box, he reached over and touched the figures that adorned it. His movements caused several of the rolled parchments that were leaning against the box to tumble sideways, and little poofs of dust rose up. Pinching the bridge of his nose to stop the sneeze that wanted to come out, he stepped to his left to admire the bindings of several books. Bound pages were a rare thing to see, anyway, and these especially looked old, but well cared for.

T’khara’s fingers gently touched the spine of one of the books. As he slid his fingers along the spine and onto the words embossed there, he felt a swelling of music within himself just waiting to burst forth. Confused, he pulled his hand back and the building concerto of notes, faded away. Curious, he touched one finger to the words again, and once more, his head and soul were filled with a symphony of sound just waiting to be born. Again, he removed his finger and the music unwove itself and flowed into the ether from where it came.

His minimal reading and writing skills had never really bothered him before now. After all, he’d had few opportunities while at d’Oessler’s castle to advance what little education he had gotten while living in Sandia. He knew some basic Sandian—in fact, he’d had a small book of stories, which his parents had written for him, that he had read all the time. That is, until d’Oessler took it away from him. He also understood enough Rheandorn to get by, having learned bits and pieces over the past four years.

Now, however, he was wishing he knew more about words and language, because he would really like to know what was written on the spines of some of the books. As he circled the room, examining and touching other documents, he found that at least half of those he touched gave him the same general feeling that the book had. He’d never encountered that type of reaction to any of the other writings he had handled—like the notes he had delivered from d’Oessler to the cook, or the parchments on d’Oessler’s desk that he had touched once. Perplexed and frustrated, he looked around the room one more time. Although the puzzle as to why some of the books, or at least their titles, seemed to fill him with music intrigued him, he didn’t think he could really spare the time to figure it out.

Feeling the pressure of time running out, T’khara decided to leave. There obviously was no exit from the castle here, and that was what he needed right now—not puzzles. Turning toward the trapdoor, he was startled to hear footsteps. They sounded as if they were right behind him, and he spun around, terrified. Seeing no one, he breathed a sigh of relief. It must be his nerves, he decided. He was so tense, that he was simply hearing things.

After taking two steps toward the trapdoor, he froze as something crashed to the floor behind him. Again he spun back to look, but although he didn’t see anything, he couldn’t quite convince himself that it was his imagination. Since the sounds seemed to have come from somewhere behind him, he quietly stepped back over to that bookcase. He studied the rows and rows of documents and papers, but saw nothing unusual. As he stood there, he could hear fragments of footsteps, as if someone were pacing just the other side of the bookcase. Frightened, yet curious, he carefully began to move some of the documents and books from the shelf directly in front of him to the floor. Others he shifted to one side.

As he moved aside several scrolls and books, he uncovered a small knothole in the wood back of the bookcase. Holding the torch low, in order to keep its light from being seen, he peered through the knothole.

The first thing T’khara saw was a swirl of orange robe, and a jumble of papers and inks being swept to the floor. A moment later, d’Oessler stepped into view and T’khara jerked back. His movement caused several of the parchments rolled onto spindles to topple off the shelf, and T’khara froze. I cannot let him find me here, he thought.

It wasn’t so much the punishment that d’Oessler was sure to mete out that T’khara feared, as much as the prospect of losing his short-lived freedom, and thereby his very hope of ever escaping from d’Oessler. He didn’t want to be locked up again, not when he was so close to being free.

Cautiously, he peeked through the knothole once more, to see if his movements had been noticed. However, the person he saw now was Jens deKrea, one of d’Oessler’s lesser resonance manipulators. But that cannot be, a troubled T’khara thought, I saw d’Oessler make him disappear when we were in the crystal room. Seconds later, Jens folded and twisted, growing shorter and more compact, until he became a clawed creature with scales and a long, pointed snout filled with wicked looking teeth. T’khara shuddered, but he couldn’t step away. As he continued to watch, the clawed creature suddenly grew thinner and taller, as his body became human, and his face contorted until it also became human. T’khara didn’t recognize the person he now saw, but moments later the body and face shifted and melted, until d’Oessler once again stood by the table in the other room.

Not sure exactly what it was he had just witnessed, T’khara panicked. He knew that d’Oessler didn’t have the ability to change shapes like that. If he had, then he wouldn’t have needed to keep jumping from his body to Darkwind’s. He could have simply changed himself to look like Darkwind. Therefore, whatever—or whoever—he had just seen through the knothole, it couldn’t be d’Oessler. But whether that meant the creature was working for or with d’Oessler, T’khara didn’t know and he didn’t want to wait to find out. He had seen enough to know that he needed to be gone, and quickly—and not just from the room he was now standing in, but from the castle itself.

Turning to flee, he knocked over one of the stacks of bound documents that he had placed on the floor. Documents spilled across the floor, with some of the pages sliding out of their bindings. Slipping on the loose papers, T’khara fell to his knees, dropping the torch. Several of the papers begin to smolder as the flames from the torch tickled their edges. Afraid that his clumsiness had given him away, he swiped his hand at the smoldering papers, before flinging himself through the trapdoor.

*****

Having heard the noise, XirRoq, now back to being d’Oessler, sprang across the room to where a large built-in bookcase stood. As XirRoq tried to access d’Oessler’s memories, the smell of smoke reached his nose. Almost instantly, he remembered how to open the secret panel, so XirRoq reached up behind the books on the top shelf and pushed on one of the carved designs. The bookcase swung away from the wall, though not fast enough for XirRoq. Grabbing the edge of the bookcase, XirRoq yanked it forward, toppling it and scattering books and papers everywhere.

Roaring in anger, XirRoq stepped into the hidden room just in time to see the trapdoor slide shut. His senses were leaping, much like the flames that were consuming the papers on the floor. Whoever had just gone through the trapdoor had tremendous power—maybe even enough power to control the gate. The crackling of the fire finally made XirRoq realize that the very documents he had been searching for were now being destroyed. With a wave of his hand, he quickly pulled the resonance threads of the flames and they collapsed into a puddle of water. Although, some of the documents would be lost to the liquid, XirRoq thought it better than losing everything.

He could feel the human drawing further away, so he quickly created an energy ball, which he pitched through the trapdoor at his feet. The wood shattered and splinters few everywhere, but XirRoq ignored them. His focus was on the human who now was almost a third of the way down the stairs. With a roar, he charged through the trapdoor. However, being unused to the, what he considered, ungainly human form that he now wore, he found himself lumbering down the stairs, while the one he pursued nearly flew down the steps.

As XirRoq began to adapt to the rhythm of motion used to propel the human body, he found that he was closing the gap between himself and the human with the unusually potent power. However, by the time XirRoq reached the room at the bottom of the steps, the human was out of sight.

By focusing his senses on the potent energy carried within the human, XirRoq tried to determine in which direction the person had run. A smile slowly crept across the face that XirRoq wore as he sensed the owner of the power to his left. As he recommenced his pursuit, it occurred to him that the human must have known about the documents of the Ol’Dans. Why else would he have been up there trying to destroy them, he thought. When I catch him and consume his resonance, then I will not have to read all of the documents since I will have all of his knowledge…as well as his power. A laugh erupted from the d’Oessler look-alike and he increased his pace in pursuit of the fleeing human.

*****

T’khara heard the noise of the trapdoor splintering behind him, and knew that whatever had been in that other room was now after him. In his near-blind panic, he barely kept his footing on the steep steps. The loose stones constantly tried to trip him up, as he practically flew down the stairs. One misstep and T’khara could end up dead, but he was too intent on getting away to really notice.

The staircase seemed endless, and T’khara thought he would never reach the bottom. His breaths came in short, wheezing gasps, and he felt as if there were chains wrapped around his chest, weighing him down and keeping him from breathing easily. The pounding of his heart matched his racing footsteps, and the bouncing shadows created by the torch made it difficult to see. But T’khara didn’t care, he had only one thought—escape!

Round and round, T’khara went down the winding staircase. He raced on trying to stay ahead of the beast that pursued him. The torch sputtered and T’khara was afraid that it would go out and leave him stumbling in the dark. Just as the torch appeared to die for good, the flame leapt up again, casting monstrous shadows onto the walls.

He could no longer hear if there was any pursuit or not, because the pounding of the blood in his head was too loud. With one hand braced against the wall, he continued to follow the stairs, until he finally saw the room below him. With a leap, he cleared the last few steps. He stumbled, but retained his footing as he landed on the cold, stone floor. Sprinting toward the door, he rushed through the archway, then out into the hall. He paused only long enough to close the door. He tried jamming the latch, before he continued his headlong flight up the corridor toward his cell.

T’khara flew past the stairs to the main castle. In fact, he was nearly to the corner where he needed to turn in order to get to his cell, when he stopped. A quick look back at the stairs was followed by a similar look in the direction he had been running. Hoping he wasn’t making a mistake, he headed back to the stairs. It had just occurred to him that if the creature could track him—maybe by smell?—that he would be trapped if he returned to his cell-like room. However, if he went up into the castle, he might lose the d’Oessler look-alike by mingling with all the other people still up there.

Slipping the torch into one of the nearby wall brackets, he gave one last look down the corridor he had just come from. Although, he didn’t see anything, he thought he could hear footsteps—rapidly approaching footsteps.

He ducked back to the stairs and darted up them, sometimes two at a time. Climbing these steps didn’t take as long as coming down from the tower, but then these steps were considerably less steep than the tower steps had been. When he reached the level where the storerooms were, he dodged off the steps. He slipped through several of the storerooms until he found the wooden steps that led into the kitchens at the back of the castle. Standing at the bottom of these steps, he tried to catch his breath and calm himself. He didn’t want anyone getting suspicious about some wild-eyed youth scrambling through the kitchen.

What he hoped, was that he could stroll into the kitchens—perhaps on the pretext of delivering something from down here—then, if he were lucky, he could grab a pail of slop and go out to the courtyard. Once out there, he might be able to get to the stables. If so, he could hide out there until evening meal. When he had worked in the kitchens, he had noticed that security around the castle seemed laxest around that time, so that’s when he would try to slip out of the castle.

Feeling better now that he had a definite plan, he was just about to start up the steps to the kitchens when he heard crashing noises coming from below. No longer feeling quite so confident, he grabbed one of the sacks, from a stack near the stairs, and hurried up the steps.

At the top of the stairs, he crashed through the door into the kitchen. One of the cooks and a scullery maid spun to look at the cause of the noise, but neither seemed overly interested in the thin, raggedy youth carrying a sack of flour up from the storeroom. The maid immediately went back to scrubbing the plates, while the cook merely grunted, and said, “Oy, you…put that over there,” and he pointed at a section of counter near the brick ovens. “And mind you be careful.”

T’khara nodded, keeping his head down; then crossed the kitchen to the counter. Dropping the heavy sack of flour onto the workspace, he scooted toward the door to the rear courtyard to make his exit. Carefully, he reached for the latch, but just as his fingers closed around it, one of the guards burst through the door. T’khara jumped back, and tried to keep the panic from returning.

When the guard first slammed into the room, he had a determined scowl on his face. However, it quickly dissolved into one of bewilderment. Stopping mid-step, he looked around in confusion, “What am I doing here?”

At first no one answered him, then one of the scullery maids, the same one who had looked up when T’khara had come crashing into the kitchen, turned away from the sink and dropped the plate she had been holding. “Where am I? This isn’t my home?” Puzzled, she looked to the other half-dozen people in the kitchen, for answers.

But no one answered, because they had too many questions of their own. Soon, the room was filled with voices asking questions that no one was answering. Everyone who had been soul-enslaved was now free, and all of them were asking the same questions. One old man, who had been curled in the corner by the ovens, stared around him, then announced to no one in particular, that he was going home. Several others echoed him, while others couldn’t remember where home was. Either way, an exodus soon began and everyone was pushing through the doors and down the corridors to the front of the castle with the intention of leaving. Before he realized what was happening, T’khara was caught up in the parade. As they wandered down the hallways toward the main entryway, more and more people joined them. Soon, there were at least a hundred people swelling the halls, all heading toward the main door and freedom.

At first T’khara was frightened, and tried to break away from the group; but then he realized that with such a large group all going after the same thing, he was less likely to be noticed. So he stopped fighting the crowd, and just followed the flow. Surrounded by people, he was squeezed up to the front of the group, when they entered the narrow hallway, which led from the work areas of the castle to the front portions. Once they passed the library, the corridors widened out, and T’khara was able to slip back into the middle of the group where he hoped to remain more inconspicuous.

Just as he was about to step into the front entry, T’khara sensed something wrong. He shivered, and felt his skin prickle as if he had stepped outside in the midst of cold season. He stopped short and looked around. Several people grumbled and others knocked into him as they continued to push past him. One woman stopped and asked him if he were all right, and he merely nodded absently at her. After giving him a quizzical look, she continued out into the foyer with the others.

Moments later, an argument broke out. T’khara looked for the source of the angry voices. He soon spotted the two men who had begun shoving each other. Other arguments ensued, and T’khara watched as pockets of fighting erupted. As he turned toward the sounds of breaking glass, he saw d’Oessler, or the creature pretending to be d’Oessler, standing on the balcony overlooking the foyer. Although, d’Oessler was doing nothing more threatening than standing by the railing and smirking down at the rampant violence, T’khara was convinced that somehow the d’Oessler creature was responsible for it.

Several shrieking women crashed to the floor near his feet, and began pummeling each other. That was all the impetus that T’khara needed. Spotting a large armoire near the hallway, which led to the south wing of the castle, he danced his way through the fighting mob. As he passed two combatants, he had to duck to avoid several wild punches. Slipping into the space between the wall and armoire, he watched in shock as the orderly exodus became a riot. The people, who moments before were in a hurry to return home, now seemed intent on maiming and killing each other.

Sickened by the sights around him, T’khara momentarily closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he looked not at the carnage around him, but at the d’Oessler impersonator who was calmly observing the melee. As T’khara continued to watch, d’Oessler moved closer to a group of antagonists, and they actually seemed to begin fighting more fiercely. One of the men closest to d’Oessler, wrapped his hands around the throat of the woman next to him, and began to squeeze. Although, she clawed at the man’s hands, he never wavered. When she was finally still, the man released her, and she dropped to the floor with a sickening thud. At the same time, d’Oessler moved down the balcony toward another group of combatants. As he did this, the first man seemed to come to himself, and stared horrified at the body of the woman he had just killed.

During this shocking scene, the imitation d’Oessler appeared to be gloating, and T’khara found himself sickened by what was happening. Two men, who seemed intent on beating each other to death, crashed into him as he turned away from the sight. Recovering himself, T’khara tried to make the two men stop; however, they were too intent on destroying each other to pay him any heed. As he continued to try to intervene, they stumbled back out into the open room, drawing T’khara with them.

Realizing that he was no longer concealed, T’khara glanced up at the d’Oessler figure but saw that he was concentrating on creating even more chaos. Heart racing, he scurried back between the armoire and the wall, before anyone could notice him. The others were still throttling each other, and T’khara began to wonder why he remained unaffected, while everyone else had gone mad.

Unable to see the d’Oessler creature now, he decided to find a better hiding place. He slipped away from behind the armoire and ducked down the nearby corridor. Soon he was in a part of the castle that was unfamiliar. He wandered the maze of hallways and rooms for almost an hour, before stumbling upon a small, abandoned-looking room. Besides a lot of dust and weaver’s webs, the room also contained an embroidered couch, and a short table with several glass bowls on it. It appeared as if no one had been in the room for quite some time, so T’khara thought he would be safe, at least for a little while.

As the panic that had sustained him subsided, he realized just how exhausted he was. He needed some time to think, and plan, but mostly he needed some time to rest. He dropped onto the couch, causing a large cloud of dust to rise up around him. He sneezed explosively several times; then wearily he sank back into the couch. Sleep came almost immediately, pulling him into the darkness of forgetfulness. 

*****

XirRoq watched the resonances of the crowd as they began to swirl together. He pushed in more reds and oranges, overriding the group’s emotional neutrality. Soon, there was a chaotic pattern of reds, yellows, and orange, and he smiled. The reds began to pulsate, and he heard the angry shoutings as the group turned into a mob.

He saw several pockets of intense red as individuals began fighting with one another, and his smile grew. He reveled in the negative energies that were being created. But then his smile faded. There, amidst the whirling madness he was creating, was a bright spot consisting of blues and greens. Why? Why was that one person not reacting to his energies the way they should? Why was there calmness in the midst of his disturbance?

He probed at that calm spot; glossing over the resonances very cautiously so as not to alert the individual. The resonance pattern was moving as the person changed locations down below. However, he managed to follow it long enough to recognize the resonance. It was the same pattern that belonged to the person he had chased out of the tower. Very curious.

Shifting his view to that of human sight, he looked for the person creating that pocket of calm. However, all he saw was death and destruction, as the humans assaulted and attacked each other. XirRoq knew that the boy was there, but it was impossible to pick him out of the bedlam.

Now XirRoq was doubly intrigued. Not only had d’Oessler sensed great power within this boy, it seemed that this power also made the boy immune to his power.

Switching his vision back so that he viewed the resonance patterns around him, he rushed down from the balcony, intent on capturing the boy. He caught a glimpse of him, but before XirRoq could get through the mob that filled the entry hall, the boy had disappeared again. XirRoq was certain that the boy was still somewhere in the castle, so he wasn’t too worried, but he was peeved. Standing in the middle of the entry hall, he kicked at one of the bodies that lay strewn across the floor. He would have that boy, and he would have that boy’s power.

Kicking at the body again, he grunted with satisfaction and resolution. Not everyone who had tried to leave was dead, not yet. Many were hurt, and some would still die, but it had been a good feeding. He extended his senses, sweeping his resonance from the hall where he stood, to the south tower. Mentally he catalogued the damage he had inflicted, and his smug smile grew.

As soon as XirRoq pulled his auric energy back, the effects of his negativity lessened greatly, and those still alive, wondered what had happened. They couldn’t recall the arguments which had led to the fighting. The last thing any of them remembered was trying to leave to return home.

‘Peepshow’ in Las Vegas not for Camera Peeking

Scandalous photographs recently snapped at a risqué Las Vegas show have raised questions about technology versus security. 

The photos were of performer Aubrey O’Day in topless revue “Peepshow” at Planet Hollywood. 

Between cameras and cell phones, pictures can be easily snapped and even full length movies can be recorded — causing rising concerns now to producers and performers. 

The pictures taken were not suitable for children and were something the performer did not want to see surfacing on the Internet. 

“I decided to call out tonight because of some nude photos that were illegally obtained last night at the show,” O’Day said.   

O’Day cancelled an appearance earlier this week after the nude pictures circulated the Web. She later posted a video on YouTube addressing the candid photos. 

“It made me feel bad. It made me insecure about my body,” O’Day said. 

Security officials said they are not sure how the photos were captured. “We don’t allow any cameras in the theater,” said vice president of BASE Entertainment Marks Chowning. 

But even with all the security detail and bag checks, many devices still do sneak inside. 

Chowning works for the company that manages “Peepshow” and said it’s a problem that’s getting tougher to handle.  “It’s somewhat of a losing battle. As you know, the devices are getting smaller and better equipped with more technology,” Chowning said. 

At almost every Las Vegas show, nude or not, recording is forbidden.  Knowing it’s almost impossible to stop everyone, “Peepshow” uses trained eyes and even night vision goggles to weed out clandestine photographers. 

“We will be more aggressive about watching the audience. We will have the night vision goggles in use, and people who are found in violation of the policy will be ejected from the theater,” Chowning said.  “Really trying to protect what the women want protected, which is not having naked pictures of them strewn about the Internet,” Chowning said. 

O’Day has since returned to “Peepshow” after sitting out one night. The show opened earlier this year.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Studie: Frauen haben Sex lieber angetrunken

Eine Umfrage des britischen Hygieneartikelherstellers FemFresh unter 3000 Untertaninnen Ihrer Majestät der Queen Elizabeth der Zweiten ergab erschütternde Antworten. 50 % der Befragten haben Sex grundsätzlich lieber im angetrunkenen Zustand, und 75 % der Britinnen in festen Beziehungen nehmen ein bis zwei Gläser Wein zu sich, bevor es zu Intimitäten kommt. Die Studie zeigte ausserdem, dass die durchschnittliche Britin mit 8 Männer Sex hatte, und bei 5 dieser Gelegenheiten betrunken war.

Eine frühere Studie hatte ergeben, dass 6 % der betrachteten Bevölkerungsgruppe überhaupt noch nie Sex hatte, ohne dabei betrunken gewesen zu sein. Die (oben erwähnte) Studie kommt zum Schluss, dass hier ein erheblicher und bedauerlicher Mangel an weiblichem Selbstbewusstsein zu verzeichnen sei. Ich kann dieser Schlussfolgerung nicht folgen; ich denke eher, das Ergebnis wirft ein düsteres Licht auf die männlichen Briten. Und ihre, ähm, privaten Fähigkeiten.

Gibt es dazu Meinungen unter der 11k2-Leserschaft? Was denken die anwesenden Mädels, Briten, Britinnen?

( via lemondrop) (pic Arlo Bates cc)

I Have A Big Butt, Look!

I Have A Big Butt, Look!

This time it is no joke. This beautiful girl “Milena” is amazing. She has this beautiful face but her best feature got to be that “Round and Bouncy Ass”. Oh my god! it was and incredible experience. I got to fuck this babe in all imaginable positions and when i asked her if she wanted to try my cock in her Juicy, bouncy, beautiful ass. She replied: yeah baby! i would love to. I don’t know if life can get better than this, i just know that Milena sure can fuck and give you a n awesome blow job and when she does it, she does it right. So get with the plan and play this video…You’ll love it!! Join here!

www.sexxx300.wordpress.com

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Final word

I sit here in my comfy home ….i look around to realize much like my childhood ..my house has bare minimun furniture.i have just the basics ..my mantle peice has nothing on it at all .ive been in this goverment owned house for 15 years now ..you would thing i would have it all set up but it isnt even decorated beacue i have no idea what i like ..which must mean i dont know who i am …i dont know my likes my dislikes i have just started collecting elephant trinkets and i dont even know why …its just another collection of myn that will fade away like the rest …i consider myself to be rather consistant but as i look around my empty house with walls painted drably and bare ….dirty finger prints on the doors and .crayon drawings on my wals from the little ones .i hear faint screaming comming just five houses down from mad mad doreen…the mentaly ill christain women who yells from her front door all hours of the night .calling all women satans whores and men satans cunts or bastards ….she wonts to stick all the mens penises in there mouths to shut them up and have the women die a painfull death in satins fires …she has amused us on many a hot night. …lucky i dont live to close to her but then i am stuck acrrosss the road from old italian man rocco…who use to slap around his daughters when they were teens in the front yard …the screatching comming from that house was simply awful till one day rocco got throat cancer ….karma can have a sence of humour at times ….he now speaks how rod steward sings and blows his fuckin whistle to gain your attention …like im a fuckin dog ..so i ignore him ..that is untill he comes knocking on my door when i have visitors over demanding they move there cars because they have parked on his side of the road …apparently he thinks i own my side of the public street and this is where and only where my family and friends must park ….many times i have told him to fuck of as i shut the door in his face ….but i love my street and its people like these who actauly make me think i am normal after all ..im the sane one ….its alright neema …your ok ..its the rest of the world that is strange …so was my life realy that bad then ..i mean shit i could of easily turned out like either of these two and statisticly i should of…how the hell did i end up normal …og fuck maybe im not normal …god am i just like them but in a diffrent way ..i still get told im a bit deffrent ..a bit strange in my ways ..but i dont see it at all …..no it cant be me no i wont hear it …….go away mind .i wont listen to such bullshit ..im fine …..im normal …..leave me alone i need a coffee now ….

As i come to the end of my book and just a few days before i hit the biggish 40 i feel a scence of sadness ..while i absolutly hate reading books myself .becasue im a slow ready and have to read every single bloody word ..then i loose interest .and forget what the story is about .blah blah blah …i havent even read all this back yet .and i wont .ive probaly doubled up on some things ..i know i have left many things out about my life still this isnt the complete me ..there is much much more about my life but it involves other family mmebers and my kids ..and i wish one day for them all to share there storys too .i have found that all my life i have been writting with out even know it ….as a teen i relijously wrote daily in my diary with gold embossing on all sides …that was untill i found out my sister had read it ..i then simply threw it in the bin …as it wasnt myn anymore is wasnt private so what was the point even keeping it now ……i struggled at throwing it out but new i had too ..all my secrets were in there so i thought …but i bet if i was able to read it now i could see that i kept many of my deepest secrets out of it ..a girls diary after all was ment to be fulll of nice things …the pretty things wsnt it …..then at aged 17 i began a new diary when i found out i was pregnant ..each of my children have one straight from conception to birth till i ran out of pages usualy by age 10 ..after that they can write there own

On a Night Not Forgotten...Part IV

Oh yes on that still unforgotten night
all those many years ago
within the arms of my English teacher
a lovely and well endowed
jungle bunny with an hourglass figure
a bad boi she made of me
turned my world utterly upside down
with the hot chocolate
of her love oh so very wet and sweet
upon the pole of my lance
so hard and oh so throbbing she rode
up and down all night long
took me to heights of sexual pleasure
until that night quite unknown
as I lay like a restless ocean beneath
the body of my English teacher
ever so gently did my fingers play with
the orbs of her breasts so ripe
while the curves of my lips soft and full
suckled the raisins of her nipples
again and then some more as she rose
and fell throughout the night
the lips of her pussy oh so hot and wet
slid up and down my shaft
made me want to cum deep inside her

Complete Satisfaction

Complete Satisfaction

Is at the end of this experience

Our signals cross giving off interference

You know every so often I make this appearance

Wearing nothing but red lipstick and seduction

This is technically abduction

You’ve kidnapped me from my life and responsibilities

He puts his finger across my lips but he reminds me to breathe

Taking my mind off of the cuffs and emotions on my sleeve

I’m being held against my will-power

He slams me against the wall-flowers

Grow-hours

Pass

If I were Etta James I’d exhale At Last!

Complete stimulation

Total submission

I give him permission

He tells me to open my eyes but I have no vision

He asks me to confess my mission

I whisper in between the siren flickers

I am the goddess of sensation

I carry the seeds of black beauty

Add the suspense of passion in the station

We make masterpieces while mere mortals and civilians make movies

Take your time

I borrowed plenty of it

Life will allow us to take more than enough to get

To complete satisfaction

I’m willing to take you there at the fraction-

Of the cost

I shake these dice not caring if I lost

He’s a rookie but my years of experience roll into his lap

With my sense of taste I run a lap

Around his precinct

Earth tones blend into skin tones

Silent moans bounce off the walls as moisture seeps into the microphone

Complete Electricity

He is the law and this pleasure must be a crime- so I call Him

He steals my air

I am impaired then repaired

I am held then released

We have made war then peace-

Offerings altering the tread count on my rap sheets

I am guilty

You should kill me-

Slowly-surely

You can ease liquid lust into my veins

Investigate me

Interrogate me

But don’t underestimate me

I am above the law, under the law, all over the law

I am dying in the backseat of his squad car

I am willing to be the bad girl until your satisfied

And no role is beneath me

I will be your prostitute frequently

After each shift I wait for you in the red light district secretly

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Stealing the Honest Scrap Award

Okay, it isn’t actually stealing because (notice, FFG that I did NOT use the word “since”) my BFF Femme Fairy Godmother tagged me for this award for one of my *other* blogs (which I will not post a link to here since it will immediately give away not only my identity, but also that of everyone I’ve ever known, from my mom to my methadone junkie next door neighbors). This morning I read her highly amusing piece that was entirely ripped off from another highly amusing blogger, Martini Cartwheels. Seriously funny. So funny that I decided to carjack the original idea and do my own version. One that befits a sex blogger. Watch Reality TV much?

1. Survivor: My first instinct was to say that I could totally sleep my way to the top three but then I have no sense of balance so I’d end up losing out to the final two, hands down. Then I realized that I am so not 24 anymore (that’s an age reference, not a reference to another show because this is reality TV and I hear that show has a woman president now) and prancing around in a bikini in the shape that I’m in would make me the new Richard Hatch. Following that train of thought, it is true that going on Survivor is possibly the best diet trick in the world. Last tangential thought on trying to screw my way through to a million bucks? Aside from the woman named “Truck” (or some such thing) with the mullet and headband and possibly some of the old or fat guys who might get really desperate after 15 days or so…we’re talking about blonde femmes (ewwwww) and young studs ( “cougar” anyone?). I guess Survivor is out.

2. The Amazing Race: I am all about travel so this would be an ideal show regardless of the fact that you are zipping through foreign countries faster than you can say “lesbian fuckbuddies” and don’t even have time to linger in Amsterdam to do some window shopping (wink, wink). Also, given the fact that I would so definitely take Norway with me because she has traveled to like, everywhere, (she thinks Iceland rocks) we probably wouldn’t get out of the starting gate because we’d be fucking all night in our first hotel stop and we’d sleep through the alarm the next morning.

3. American Idol: Given that we’ve already established that I can’t wear a bikini, that tried-and-true method of making it to Hollywood is out of the question. I can’t stomach trying to seduce Simon or Randy, and Cara just scares me. That leaves us with Ellen (thank God because the thought of going down on Paula Abdul just makes me nauseous) who I think might just forget about her anorectic wife long enough to slip behind the backdrop with me for a quickie. But even with her vote, that’s one out of four and although I can hold a tune enough to be in my church choir (a real church, which is not like “she’s a member of *our* church,” which is also like *a friend of Dorothy*…see? Tangential.) I doubt that my version of “Old Time Religion” will win over the hearts of millions.

4. I’m only doing five of these, I promise. WipeOut: I fucking love this show. There is nothing better than watching people get seriously injured while humiliating themselves on national television. I can’t do anything remotely sexual to get further than the interview with yet another gorgeous femme. While I may ask her what shade of lipstick she’s wearing, I so cannot bring myself to do the “femme/femme” thing, especially not for a paltry $50,000. I am such an old school dyke. Really.

5. Big Brother: I am the queen of drama and totally adept at mind games and can really pull off being your best friend one minute while stabbing you in the neck with a fork the next (FFG, you have nothing to worry about, I love you darling!). While sexcapades abound on this show, the night vision camera is so terribly unflattering that I wouldn’t even audition.

Okay…5 fast fucks to make it an even 10:

6. America’s Next Top Model: Strapping it on for an aspiring supermodel is like sleeping with a bicycle. All bones and knees and elbows. Next!

7. The Apprentice: I wouldn’t blow the Donald even if he put me in his will to get half his empire. I *might* consider it if he granted me an all-day, all expenses paid shopping trip through the ever-so-chic shops in Trump Tower. Then again, *gag*

8. Project Runway: Has there been a leather fetish designer yet? If not, I’m so on the list. How hard can it be to spray latex on a mannequin and roll her down the runway, trussed up like Hannibal Lecter?

9. The Biggest Loser: I really only need to lose about 30 lbs. so I doubt I’d even be let on the show, but if I were, it would be fun to try and pull off the food scene from 9 1/2 weeks with granola bars and protein shakes.

10. Can they create a lesbian version of the Bachelor? FFG might do this show because she wants a girlfriend and she’s already slept with all the women within a 50 mile radius of her hometown (I kid, woman, I kid! Sort of.). I also said that as her best friend I would go down on her if all the lights were out and she could pretend I was super butch. Sadly, I think she’d still toss me immediately. I’m too short.

Life is worthless without sex?

At least for men, and that’s who counts, right? Right?

At least, that’s what the SMH’s article today about the cure for prostate cancer causing impotence would have you believe.

Even if that were the case, there are so many things wrong with that concept. It implies that sex is necessary for men – and that maybe a life without sex wouldn’t be worth living (for a man). This disappears the experience of asexual men, men who are celibate but not asexual, men who cannot physically have the kind of sex the article is implicitly talking about (including many trans men and some men with disabilities), and probably others I’m not thinking about off the top of my head. In other words, the article has a clear implicit definition of “man” as “someone with a penis which works in the usual way, and who likes to use it for penetrative sex”.

The article also implies that this dilemma would only be a problem for men, which makes women invisible as sexual beings (or entirely).

The statement also appears to centre penetrative sex (and probably PIV at that) as “real sex” – everything else is, presumably, “not sex”.

And probably more. I’m writing this on the fly.

All of that would be so if the man who is the subject of the article, couldn’t actually have sex (as implicitly defined). However, here’s what he has to say about the matter (it’s in the second para of the article, so they really have no excuse for their scare-tactics in the first para):

”It’s as much a change mentally as it is physically,” said the 46-year-old married engineer. ”The nerves were preserved but the sexual function is not straightforward. The libido is different and the orgasm process is different. …”

He’s certainly not saying he can’t have sex at all – he’s not even saying he can’t have penetrative PIV sex (that’s not clear). It’s just going to be different.

Finally, if it actually came down to a choice between “sex” and “life”, I suspect that the enormous majority of people (funnily enough, I include the category “men” in the category “people”) would choose “life”. Suggesting otherwise is irresponsible and ridiculous. I would have thought that the SMH was above such a tabloid tactic.

Apparently not.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

On a Night Not Forgotten...Part II

On that night not to be forgotten
the jungle bunny
who was my former H.S. teacher
took me to heights
of sexual pleasure quite unknown
the curves of my face
she buried within the sweet valley
of her luscious cleavage
that lay between the bosomy hills
of the sun ripened orbs
that are the melons of her breasts
while the scent of
her sexual arousal tickled my nose
the smell of her skin
made me nearly as hard as a rock
to the curves of my lips
my now former high school teacher
pressed the stiffening
raisins of the tips of her mammilla
which she bade me
to suck like a babe within her arms
as both of my hands
ever so slowly slid down the curve
of her backside
over the luscious curves of her hips

A spark...

I kept checking Alt.com daily, mostly because I kept recieving email after email from them, promising new matches.

“You can slap me as many times as you want, I wont stop fucking you hard till i cum all over your sexy face. 7″ cut, thick cock would do it for you?” No.

“You would be the perfect little bitch for me. My dick isn’t huge, but its not tiny either.” No.

“You need to be trained like the proper 3 hole slut. I will choke you to death on my cock.” No, no, no.

This tactic was clearly getting me nowhere.

As disheartening as that was, I could also feel the weather getting colder and with that comes two unwanted feelings. The first is my dread of winter, when the sun dissapears and with it, possibly, my happiness. I know that to dwell on something is to bring it about, but I don’t think I can stand another winter like the last, where I had to rack my brain for a reason to get out of bed.

The second emotion that I wish would dissappear is my desire to nest–I’m used to falling in love during autumn, (not sure how it always happens that way), so I feel like I’m conditioned to start wanting someone to snuggle up with. I feel this urge to find someone who meets my long-term mate requirements, which are kind of the opposite qualities I’m looking for in a dom. Is it possible for someone to be cruel and merciless AND warm and comforting?

Either way.. I was at a loss.

Until, that is, I recieved two consecutive emails from a man named Freddy. He expressed interest in talking to me, while assuring me that he was a nice, completely normal guy with a strong kinky side. He told me that he didn’t want to come off as too persistent, but that he didn’t come across many women like me on the site–genuine, beautiful, smart. He seemed down to earth, sweet and not crazy.

Ask and you shall recieve.

Our emails felt so comfortable and real; our exchanges quickly moved to instant message, where we talked about our interests in life and bdsm. Conversation flowed easily between us and I found myself very intrigued by this cute, sweet guy from Queens who wanted to tie me up and do terrible, wonderful things to my helpless body.

After about a week and half of chatting, we finally set up a date to meet. He chose a great sushi restaurant, (my favorite) on park avenue, and I agreed to meet him at 7 on Monday evening. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel nervous.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Are You A Slacker?

Here is another post from Perry Noble: You can find more of his blog at www.perrynoble.com

The below post is about slacking off in your marriage.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yesterday I spoke on husbands and wives slacking off in their marriages…so how do you know when a spouse is slacking off?

He’s Slacking Off When…

  • What is special to her is no longer special to him – you didn’t have this attitude when you were dating, but once you married her you thought, “I don’t have to work now!”  Wrong…you’ve got to work harder!
  • You won’t pray with her or for her!
  • You stop pursuing her romantically and sexually.
  • You see her as your servant rather than your opportunity to serve.
  • You want to use her for sex and don’t care if she truly feels connected romantically to you.
  • You talk down to her and/or constantly raise your voice to her.
  • You compare her to other women…in front of her.
  • You are keeping secrets from her.

She’s Slacking Off When…

  • You love talking about him (in your prayer gossip group) but have no desire to talk to him about the problem.
  • You love it when he spends more time at work…that means you don’t have to be around him as much.
  • You disrespect him out loud and often in front of your children.
  • You know TONS about the lives of your kids…but are clueless about what is going on in his life.
  • You withold sex to punish him and/or to get your way.
  • You are keeping secrets from him.

And…in case you didn’t pick up the questions yesterday (or for those who were not there)…we handed out a card with five questions on it that we challenged husbands and wives to use as a guide to have a conversation with one another sometime in the next 24 hours…the questions were…

1) Have you ever had sex with someone other than me since we have been married?
2) Where have I become slack in my efforts to make you feel important?
3) Men ask your wife to complete this sentence: I think its romantic
when you_____.
4) Women ask your husband to complete this sentence:I feel the most
appreciated and respected when you________.
5)Are you engaging in anything online that you be ashamed of if I found out?

Why This Case

After a ponderous amount of research, I decided to write a book about “the Ken and Barbie Killers”, Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka. And people often ask me, why this case ?

As with any high-profile legal matter, conspiracy theories abound, and the lure of conspiracy theories is that since one can never be certain, one could always be correct.  But beyond the lurid and murky details, one thing is assured; it is, unfortunately, a precedent which cloaked the truth about the crimes of Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka since long before their commission.

I spoke with a man recently, a member of the media attendant at the trial, and he wonders “who Karla got to, who needed to keep her free and protect her, and what she touched that gave her such power”.  His questions disturbed me on a level both primal and feminine at once, some inner sanctum housing the very answers that he seeks.  Not the legal, or political ones he may expect—that is merely surface, protecting us from a truth most women are reluctant to admit. And judging from the case of Paul and Karla, men who are aware of it find it more unnerving than women do.

“Learned helplessness” is a psychological term, sometimes used to describe a facet of battered women’s syndrome; it typifies a woman so beaten down, physically and/or psychologically, she learns her survival is ensured by pathological passivity and compliance. A few women have found this more advantageous in reverse:  these are the women who intuitively see a quieter but more insidious power to be gained from feigning helplessness and compliance. They’ve learned it keeps some men forever in their debt, and forever wondering when the time will come for debt collection. Some women are beaten into constant foresight; some women are only capable of foresight.

Like men who only choose trophy-wives, certain women choose their mates the way some tattoo shoppers choose bad ass tattoos. Once the investment’s made, these women eagerly attend to tattoo care and maintenance. Since a faded bad ass tattoo is an unflattering reflection, there’s always tattoo removal, but if fading starts too soon, the woman who would sport a really bad ass tattoo wouldn’t hesitate to ask for her money back.

Certainly Paul and Karla were tattoos for each other, and even this couple from hell had unwritten laws and unspoken rules: I give you this, you give me that, as all couples do. But women who wear men like bad ass tattoos won’t live in the permanent ducking position of the battered wife; they have grander vistas in mind than learned helplessness allows. Certain bad ass designs are chosen for highly specific reasons, but the overriding concern is to determine which man is least likely to fade out in the end.  This of course requires experience and strength, and while she may have lacked experience, Karla Homolka was able to play to her strength simply because she had never been without it.

So who did Karla get to? Men. Who needed to keep her free and protect her? Men. Which person did she touch to obtain her power? Some man, somewhere.

There’s an old joke that goes:

Did you find what you were looking for?

Yeah, and it was in the last place I looked.

The answers about Karla Homolka are in the first place we look.  Then we use words like “enigma” because what we’ve found seems unthinkable. The men who gave Karla her power, who protected her and kept her free, weren’t evil men; in great conspiracies everyone only has a piece of the entire answer, but in the greatest conspiracies, everyone has all of the answer-and it’s so starkly simple everyone thinks it must be wrong, so everyone keeps looking.

The uniquely Canadian influences on the Bernardo/Homolka affair probably escape the notice of most American true-crime buffs; the feminist movement got its foothold in Canada and the U.S. at roughly the same time. But Canada is far more progressive than we are—and less predisposed to pissing contests. Just having a good pissing contest colors much of our government’s decision-making process, as avoiding one color’s much of Canada’s.  Both countries have made  strides with regard to women’s rights issues. But after factoring in the different forms of government we are, more money is spent on domestic violence programs in Canada than in the U.S, which, given the particulars of the Bernardo/Homolka tale, is a grand little piece of irony.

As angry as Karla Homolka’s plea bargain with the Crown made and still makes people, to spend the time and money to reverse it all and reveal its bottom-line thinking to a horde of angry marching feminists was simply not worth it. Not when the much more cost-effective publications ban could be issued.

Simple. Mercenary. And sexist, and I can’t help wondering  if ex-Price Waterhouse accountant, smuggler and serial rapist Paul Bernardo appreciated the irony of it all.

The logical conclusion of what defines a movement is always the polar opposite of the movement’s source, and human nature being what it is, Charles Manson’s “family” and its Helter Skelter philosophy was the logical conclusion of the 60’s counterculture movement. The 70’s ushered in the women’s liberation movement, and the notion that women are as capable as men began to gain some ground.  But the “equal pay for equal work” mantra is still an idea in its infancy. And unfortunately, Karla Homolka is the logical conclusion of radical feminism.

The counterculture movement brought us Manson, as the feminist movement brought us Homolka. Both of them exploiters of ideals, and of women.  When it suited her goals, Homolka made good use of the best that traditional expectations of women offer, and then proceeded to reap the benefits of a feminist stance she perverted into victimization.  For all the hype and hysteria surrounding both Bernardo and Manson as evil spell-binders of women, it’s Manson whose female devotees took the longest to leave his side. Karla was only fleeing her king, of course, and to his followers, Charlie was Jesus Christ.  But not for a moment do I believe that Ms. Homolka sees herself on a continuum with Susan Atkins or Squeaky Fromme.

It’s been said that toward the end of the Bernardo-Homolka union, Paul Bernardo began to “disassemble”; so did every other man connected to this case upon realizing the bad ass tattoo wasn’t simply false advertising, and must be reconciled with its petite blond owner. If this seems harsh or overly simplistic, ask anyone who’s seen Paul and Karla’s video library why her motive and involvement are still hotly debated topics; ask someone involved in the investigation why “the deal with the devil” didn’t shatter like cheap glass once it was obvious Homolka violated its terms; ask any man why Bernardo’s role and motive in this nightmare is taken for granted; ask yourself if you don’t hear Victorian death-throes in the wedding of the words “compliant” and “victim”.

Men like Paul Bernardo are made more dangerous by our need to purify women like Karla Homolka.

This idea we’re modern thinkers is the delusional comfort of every age, but given too large a threat, we’re constructed to revert to the fight-or-flight instinct. In true modern-thinking fashion, I’m certain no man involved with the Bernardo-Homolka case would deny a woman advancement; that we’re doctors, engineers, and judges, is rightfully viewed as laudable. That we can also be found in the male-dominated world of homicidal sexual psychopathy and that we’re capable of the same moral decline is so threatening a notion some people prefer handing us an apron and scooting us back into the kitchen. The simple truth that never seems to come full circle is that whoever does the cooking also chooses the recipe.

The point is not that a majority, or that even a good number of women are so treacherous; there are some who find themselves lost in cycles of abuse and are never quite sure why. But that is not our Karla, and coincidence seems an unlikely explanation as to why she was only able to summon the strength to leave the marital home after Bernardo began his breakdown.

For some readers my comments may invoke the image of  a violin playing for Paul Bernardo, but it should be noted that we certainly would have snorted in unison if Bernardo had insisted he had been the victim of Homolka.

In the end, we settled for the comfort of a fairy-tale: an evil prince, a helpless maiden, and two images from childhood is the way it’s still portrayed.  All that talk and all that time spent leveling out the playing field, for modern men and women in a modern world—only to run and hide inside a fairy-tale at the first real sign of danger.  We tell ourselves it’s justifiable, in the end; it banished the evil prince to his prison castle turret.  But the story of Paul and Karla isn’t a fairy-tale—and we’re not little children anymore…

Unlike the man I spoke with who attended the Bernardo/Homolka trial, I have no more questions about Karla.  I’m certain I know who and what she is. But I do not need to know the animal before me poised and ready to strike is called a “viper”, to understand the degree of harm it’s likely capable of causing.

I chose to write about this case because we’re lacking a satisfactory answer as to what to do with its legacy; I chose it because the woman who held an anesthetic-soaked rag over her sister’s face now rocks a cradle. For men and women alike, that is a bitter pill to swallow. But if one must take poison it is always prudent to take it in small doses over time, and have a chance at immunity–like Karla.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Cornerstone

I am feeling a little sorry for myself at the moment. I really shouldn’t, but let’s take a look at the reality of my situation.

I am not particularly beautiful, nor am I any more special than other women. I hold one singularity and that is my need to be owned, controlled and possessed by a man. At this moment I have men from India to Arizona who want to be with me. For some it is simply a matter of possessing me sexually. For some it is a need to possess me entirely. I have been with some of these men, others are waiting for me.

I don’t mention this to toot my own horn. In fact, as a sub it is almost impossible for me to do so. I mention it as a cornerstone to the search I have embarked on. I told a friend the other day that I wished for one man to own me, control me, protect me. He laughed and called me a liar. He said that in fact, I needed two men to provide for me, my husband and a Dom. It made me think and frankly put me into the melancholy mood I now am.

I would love nothing more than for my husband to control me, to take possession of me wholly. Our relationship doesn’t work this way. It never has. I married him because he was safe, soft, gentle. My role is to give everything of myself to our family and I do so without question. It is when I run emotionally dry that I need to be protected, cherished and indeed because of my certain proclivities, dominated.

My goal is subspace because when I am there nothing else matters. I dip from the fountain of life and everything that I am is fulfilled, replenished. It is after, when my Dom has brought me back, that I can face the rest of the world. I feel stronger for the experience. I want a Dom to take me to the edge of insanity and bring me back again. It takes a lot of trust to allow someone to do this. Add the fact that I am still not certain I have a limit to my tolerance of pain and it can be a dangerous prospect.

Such a Nice Guy

I was at a party the other night, imnotme’s older brother’s girlfriend’s 30th (that’s a mouthful). BirthdayGirl throws many parties and is a fabulous host, and the party was a great time, as usual. There was one guest, however, that didn’t quite jive with the rest of us.

For a little background information, the crowd that typically gathers at BirthdayGirl’s trendy Uptown condo parties are mostly white, mid-to-late twenties and early thirties professionals, with careers in design, advertising, or copy writing. They’re generally fairly comfortable financially and most have bachelor’s degrees, some have continued further in the pursuit of higher education. In fact, if they weren’t all so friendly, welcoming and talkative, I’d feel terribly out of place with my broke-ass, in-and-out of college every couple years self. But alas, I manage not to.

Anyway, as you can imagine based on the nature of my blog and the people that you would assume that I would willingly spend time with, everyone in the group is pretty left-leaning and feminist-friendly. In contrast to this general ideal, though, imnotme’s younger brother (there are several) brought a friend along with him to this recent bash. Said friend (we’ll call him Jake to protect the… well, for privacy) is not from our neck of the woods (Minneapolis, MN) and hails from Minnetonka, a wealthy suburb of Minneapolis known for… well, rich, bigoted white people, and a fairly large lake.

Jake is known amongst people who meet him as a “nice guy.” Everyone agrees that he’s a bit boisterous, a little too in-your-face sometimes, but you certainly can’t speak ill of a guy who’ll bring over an eighth of kind bud and tell you to help yourself, as he goes into your kitchen and selects a beer to bring to you, beer that he brought over.

In his circles, he’s just a Nice Dude. In ours, we make sure we’re tentative when we agree. But it’s unanimous, right? Dude is just Nice.

The problem lies in the fact that, while he’s generous and overtly (to the point of seeming ingenuine) friendly to you and your friends, he defaults to the lowest common denominator when in a group of people; especially new people, as was the case when YoungerBro brought him to BirthdayGirl’s party.

Lowest common denominator conversations in parties where yuppie-ish, progressive white people are drinking beer and socializing with people they barely know tend to gravitate toward one of two things: sex or sexism. The sexism part, of course, is never hostile or necessarily malicious (or even conscious), but rather a grasp at a common thing that you can safely assume that everyone’s thought about. Differences between men and women, girlfriend/boyfriend problems, what makes guys dump girls and vice versa, and there is always the rogue group of dudes that briefly ventures into the land of “female drivers.” Chicks who make it a point to, as loudly as possible, show off their raunchiest humor and stories to let all the guys know she can hang with ‘em or something. The guys who are quick to point out that they would totally shoot their sister’s rapist in the head if his sister were to ever have one. Etc. We’re all just relegated to sitting around a wrought iron patio table, trying to prove our worth to these strangers that we’d never give the time of day to if not for these parties.

So back to the main point: Jake, he’s kind of a “big dude.” You can tell that the majority of his weight is made up of muscle mass, the deliberate, obsessive kind, where he makes it a point to be as muscular as possible just so he can be as “manly” as possible. Most people probably assume he was a football player in high school and college. He makes a remark to YoungerBro about how skinny he is. YoungerBro, never one to admit that he feels insecure or insulted, (whether or not he does, no one will ever know for sure, but it can be assumed) pauses briefly and haughtily agrees with him. Jake says, after realizing that his comment could have caused potential uneasiness, hurries to “Hey, it’s a good thing. It’s better than–” (he lowers his voice and even crouches down a bit) “–being fat.” He pauses for a minute as the only people who presumably heard him, imnotme and myself, give no response. YoungerBro also elicits no response. Jake briefly measures the pauses on his Gauge of Social Awkwardness, and quickly attempts to apologize for the remark by muttering half-apologetically, half arrogantly, “Man, that was real shallow of me to say, huh?”

Well, no shit. The thing is, not one outside on that patio was “fat.” Plenty of people were “skinny,” including a few guys, and no one had anything affirming to say in response to his assertion that being skinny is better than being fat. Imnotme and myself were the only ones that presumably heard him, but the fact that no one even bothered to affirm his assertion seemed to spark his Gauge. Perhaps it had something to do with the underlying implication that, in order to be compared to fat people in the way that Jake did it to YoungerBro, you’d have to be what he (and his peers) would deem to be too skinny. You know, for a dude. Dudes can be big, chicks can be skinny. Dudes don’t get (relevant) shit for being big, chicks don’t get (genuinely negative) shit for being skinny.

One more glaring, obnoxious example of ridiculous expectations that men and women are faced with, perpetuated by someone that everyone thinks is such a goddamn Nice Fucking Dude.

There were other examples of the ways that Jake occasionally stuck out like a sore thumb at this party, but I can no longer remember them all. The point remains, though, that someone may be extra nice to you, and a real asshat to everyone else, and in Jake’s case, it likely has everything to do with where he grew up, and his privileged background. It’s really easy to grow up white, rich, and sheltered. It’s really easy to quickly pass judgment on the people you see every day who don’t look exactly like you. It’s really easy to assume that because someone isn’t like you, that they are somehow defective, unreasonable, or lazy. It’s really easy to be known as a Nice Dude when you don’t even notice what a dick you are otherwise. It’s so easily forgivable, right?

It’s hard to be in a situation like that, for me personally, and listen to people like him, voice booming, about things like how being “too” skinny is better than being fat. It’s hard for me to stay quiet, but it’s even harder for me to say something confrontational or to correct his arrogance. At least there’s a bright side. The bright side is that, 5 years ago, if I were to have gone to a similar party and a Jake showed up and started running his mouth, 90% of the other partygoers would have joined in. My social circles haven’t changed much– they include different individual people, but the ideologies shared in the various groups remained the same– so it’s not necessarily that I just started hanging around better people. Maybe we’re all just growing up, realizing that things aren’t as black and white as we thought they were before, and now, 90% of the people at the party will, at the very minimum, cringe.

I don’t think that Jake is not a nice guy; I will willingly allow him that label, but I will not feel comfortable allowing him the grace of being ignorant when it’s avoidable. Maybe that is the distinction; if a person is aware of their ignorance or arrogance, then they have enough sense to change their ways, and only pride or stubbornness is standing in their way. That is a choice, and therefore, in my mind, unforgivable. If one has the mental capacity to consider whether or not they are in the right or wrong about an opinion or statement that they made, then one has the sense to be a progressive and respectable individual. If they are not a progressive and respectable individual upon realizing that they have the choice, then in my mind, they are no longer eligible for my social forgiveness or good graces. That does, of course, mean that I am declaring that I have the “right answers”; otherwise, how would I even be capable of making a decision about this person’s societal worth? The problem is that I am perpetually annoyed by people or groups that declare, or at least believe, that what they think, feel, believe, etc., is superior to other ideologies, so naturally, I do not want to be one of those people.

I’m not sure that I believe that people can change who they are and what they believe in a matter of minutes, or based on a class or a conversation with someone who holds a different perspective than theirs’… but, I do believe that people can change their minds and I believe that anytime someone changes their mind, it’s probably a good idea.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Iron Bull - Experience the Power of Nature

This non-prescription product is made through adopting advanced extraction technology of herbs from Tibet,Malaysia and China. It works by equalizing Yin and Yang-the Fire and Water elements in the body. It is recommended for good health and stamina, kidney health and the best sexual life, etc.

It’s an ideal nutrient and supplement for men. Unlike the adverse side effects and risks of prescription ED pills, Iron Bull works just as quickly and is all natural and safe; containing no harmful synthetic substances or prescription components.

If you have trouble getting or maintaining an erection, this product is for you. If you don’t have trouble getting or maintaining an erection, use Iron Bull to get hard multiple times consecutively, for multiple orgasms. Simply take one pill 30 minutes prior to sexual intercourse, and feel the power of the Asian herbs satisfy you (and her) in bed!

more updates on the challenge

Day 7: Memo to self: stop looking at Scarlett Johansson, it makes you way too horny.

Day 8: Today I hung out at Thai Son’s house with a bunch of other friends and we had some good conversations and some food and some iced tea that David thought was too sweet but I thought was pleasant enough. Almost more than anything I love hanging out with my friends. I mean sure we talk about such stupid things sometimes but I enjoy it thoroughly. And it keeps my mind of all the bad things in life. And not once while hanging out did I even think about masturbating. Well except when Quy bent down to pick up his keys (really, you’re going to admit that here?) I didn’t want to masturbate to his ass. It was just tight and firm and I was thinking about how weird it would be if I decided to masturbate to the vision of his sweet ass. (You know for about a quarter of a minute you had finally got people to realize you weren’t gay, but I think you just ruined that) yeah, and that was one good quarter of a minute.

Day: 9: I watched a bunch of football today and then I went and played some flag football and then I got home and watched some more football and then my head hurt a lot from this collision I had during the flag football game with this guy whose a lot bigger than me so I slept and then I woke up and luckily got to have a conversation with some chick and have her tell me about a time she had sex for seven hours, and that just about killed all the self-esteem I had remaining in the sex department, and now I’m completely convince that when I finally do have sex I will be absolutely terrible and the girl will go tell all her friends and it will get spread across the world how Danniel Quentin Trujillo is the worst person ever at sex and then no girls will ever have sex with me again and I’ll never fall in love because no girl wants to be with a guy who sucks at sex and then I’ll die alone, but maybe I’m thinking about this a little too much.

Day 10: So horny!

Day 11: I went to the lake with my family and while there saw a few naked very young kids swimming around. Sometimes I wish I could be like those little kids and walk around naked and not care. I mean I don’t really have the desire to walk around naked, partly because it would be creepy but mostly because I have a small penis, but sometimes I really wish I just didn’t care about some things.

Day 12: Haven’t had the desire to masturbate today. I feel so lethargic, and after having just looked up the word ‘lethargic’ I can say that yes that was an appropriate word to use. Even if I felt like masturbating I’d be too lazy to actually do anything about it. This reminds me of a conversation I was present at between my sports buddies. It was about how sometimes it’s so much better to get head than have sex because you don’t have to do anything when you’re getting head. I have two groups of friends, one which has had a lot of sex and the other which has had no sex. For obvious reasons I fit better with the group that has had no sex. It’s funny to compare the conversations between these groups. For one my buddies who have had lots of sex talk a lot about sex, and mainly their experiences having sex. They may notice that I’m terribly quiet during those conversations. I may or may not be taking notes. Me and my other friends will talk about sex a lot too, but mostly about what the hell goes on during it. Sure we’ve all seen porn, but real sex can’t possibly be as wonderful as that. I imagine real sex must be hideous. Sticky sweat all over, body parts flying to and fro, bones being pulled out of sockets, blood dripping from every orifice, and when it’s over a prayer is taken in honor of the victims. But mostly when I think about sex it usually concerns the impossibility of me actually having sex. I can foresee no possibilities where I’d actually be able to have this sexual intercourse craze I’ve heard such wonderful things about.

Day 13: The episode of Seinfeld where the characters have a competition to see who can go the longest without masturbating was on. It’s a funny episode and I was always hoping me and my friends would have that competition. I would have of course been the underdog since I think it’s a given fact I masturbate the most. I had hoped me and my friends would be like the characters in Seinfeld, but it turns out that we’re more like the characters in The Big Bang Theory, but a million times dumber.

For a brief moment I forgot what masturbation was. I haven’t done it in so long that my mind couldn’t wrap around the concept of me wrapping my hand around my penis to receive pleasure. Luckily this only lasted for about fifteen seconds, but it was a scary fifteen seconds. It was what I imagine it’s like being blind. I was just wandering around with no sense of direction, bumping into things, contemplating suicide. I just may be able to get past these next three and change months without masturbating, but if I had to go a lifetime without it I might as well get out the noose now. Or I guess I could just try that sex thing. Man, I’ve been thinking about sex way too much lately. It must be because I’m not masturbating as much. Although I’ve also been thinking about being lonely way too much lately, and I can’t figure out how that correlates with me not masturbating. (Your penis must have gave you company.) And it never once called me creepy.