THE STORY
Ify and James have been dating for more than a year now.Their love blossomed as the relationship grew from strength to strenght.
Despite the fact that they were in different universities,the distance, rather than drive them apart,brought them closer.All these while,they’ve been keeping off sex,hoping to reserve it for their wedding night…But,their resolve is facing the ultimate challenge…
James visited Ify for the weekend.After touring Ify’s campus and seeing friends,they retired to spend some time together.As they were locked in a tight embrace,it felt sooo good to be together again…Then came the passionate kisses and then…they disengaged.They don’t want to taste it all…At least,not yet…
THE ISSUE
The topic of sex is really incendiary.Highly inflammable.So many schools of thought.So many views.Countless perspectives.Besides the question of morality[which can be best handled by pastors and priests],I am here to take a critical look at the billion-dollar question:What role does sex play in a relationship BEFORE marriage?Is it a unifying factor or a divisor?To start with,it is unarguable that sex is pleasant,sweet and perhaps one of the most pleasurable events available to man…The question, therefore,is purely that of CONTEXT.
I’ve talked with a lot of friends who just broke up from relationships.About 70% of them admitted that though the sex brought them closer to their partners,they still believe that the relationship would have lasted longer without it.
The initial longing and attraction for one’s partner usually seen at the beginning of every friendship or relationship is largely due to the fact that their is stillso much to be desired.This scintillating surprise for the unknown keeps us attracted & interested in our partners as we go through the process of unravelling them.When we stop short of sex[which for the guys is the ultimate revelation],more is still left to be desired in the relationship as the charm and allure is still intact.Premarital sex does the opposite.Despite the initial satisfaction and fulfillment of both parties,it signals the beginning of the end.It turns the guy to a GO-GETTER and the girl to a TOOL OF SATISFACTION.The true meaning of the relationship is lost gradually, addiction to sex sets in,conversation time decreases while sex time increases,a vicious cycle starts terminating eventually in a break-up…They have seen it all.And they are BORED.
It’s true that the urge to get MORE intimate with your partner is strong and ever present but this urge can be controlled and given other productive outlets…Below are some ways to avoid SEX from creeping into your relationship unannounced and turning over the tables:
1. Both of you should agree not to have it! This may sound funny but most premarital sex occur in a setting of misunderstanding:The guy is afraid the girl may consider him NOT MAN ENOUGH;the girl is afraid the guy may get it elsewhere and so gives in to SECURE her guy…In the end,neither wants it, but they do it.
What if one of them wants it and the other does not? Dialogue…Pray…Get the person to read this article…but never lock up yourselves in a room alone because it may happen.U never can tell!
2. The girl should develop a strong WILLPOWER as it actually lies in her power to open the gates of Jerusalem…She can control things especially when things are getting out of control.So she needs to be strong, especially on the inside.
3. The guy should be UNDERSTANDING.Brutal force,fights and threats are not called for.U’ve always said U love her,remember?Respect the girl when she says STOP and plzzzzz NEVER push her to the point of her losing control.Still stop even if she had lost it;she’ll hate U for it at the moment but will forever remain grateful to U for not USING her.
4. Don’t TEMPT urselves!
Don’t sleep in the guy’s house daily or come for weekends every blessed week!One of these days it will happen…Don’t seduce urselves…Why go to begin what U can’t finish?Establish ur limits…How far both of U are willing to go and where to draw the line…and keep that line DRAWN!Any compromise may turn out costlier than U expected…
5. Pray for the grace of God in your relationship.Never walk alone,ok?
CONCLUSION
The beauty of any friendship or relationship is the collective beauty of the individuals involved.Lasting relationships are those founded on love,trust,communication and mutual respect and not on sex.Sex comes later not before the establishment of these values and its proper context is in marriage and not before it.It is a meal to be looked forward to and not a snack to be eaten along the road.Premarital sex is unarguably a major contributor to the rising rate of divorce in our society and extramarital sex have been found to be commoner in people who have had sex before marriage.When done in the proper context,like every delayed gratification,sex is more rewarding,fulfilling and most especially:GUILT-FREE.Words cannot describe the bliss…your parents can tell U better!
So,sex or no sex?Plzzzz…NO SEX…Not Yet.
Reactions,Comments,Criticisms,holla me at nobleforever2k4@yahoo.com, +2348039397033 or at my blog www.youthgist.wordpress.com
U’re welcome!
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