Let me start this blog by sharing a little bit of my history with you. You see, I am a 40+ year old bisexual woman that is finally very comfortable with her sexuality. I didn’t start out that way though…it was due to my years of dating women that I actually learned how to connect with my body, my mind, my sensuality and what “did it for me.”
There was a time when an orgasm was so far out of the question it wasn’t even funny. There had only been one man that had brought me to an orgasm without me having to work hard for it. Anything before and after that was a chore or a grammy award winning performance.
There came a time in my life where I felt that if anyone would know how to please a woman, it would be another woman. Hmm!!! How naive was I? I found women to be just as clumsy, just as theatrical as I had been. There was a certain something that I was looking for that I could not find…no matter HOW MANY women I tried.
Then it hit me…what if it wasn’t the other person’s fault, male OR female? What if my dissatisfaction with a lot of my sexual encounters was a result of me not knowing what brought me pleasure? What if all that time, it was me? Was it a mental block, was there something about me and my thoughts about sex that was blocking me from having that multi-orgasmic experience?
That’s when I decided to take matters into my own hands…literally! I began to explore my body, my mind, my heart and my preconceived notions of what sex was to suppose to be like. My catholic school education taught me that masturbation was a sin and that sex for any other reason but to procreate was a sin as well. Although I had sex ANYWAY, the thought of doing something wrong was always in the back of my mind.
How could something that brought me so much pleasure…when I was in my right mind…be so wrong? Why couldn’t I enjoy the sexual encounters I was having mind, body and soul? I was determined to find the answers and buck whatever system I needed to in order to get to the feeling – the climax I was looking for?
Dating women allowed me not only to explore my body…but other women’s bodies as well. Looking at each sexual encounter as an adventure allowed me to open up and not be afraid anymore. I could ask for what I wanted, state what I didn’t like and suggest to my partner different ways to approach me sexually without worrying about bruising a male ego. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stating that ALL men are unable to accept constructive instruction, just the men that I had been with.
Once I learned that it was okay to want certain things, to try new things and to be open about what I want and I don’t want the door opened for me. My sex life became one of confidence, one of really knowing, understanding and appreciating the body that I was in and not being afraid to share what I had learned with the women AND the men that were to follow.
There is something about a woman that is confident in the bedroom. She walks different, talks different as though she knows a sensual little secret that no one else knows. Sort of like wearing sexy underwear to work or even to church when only YOU know what you have on underneath your clothes.
So what will you experiment with to get in touch with YOUR sensual side? I’d love to know.
Sensually, Kandi
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