This a story about aging, sex, technology. and the pitfalls of having only a little knowledge as you navigate your way through the strange new world of cyberspace.
I read somewhere recently that if you want to succeed as a writer, you need to write as if your parents were dead. I guess this advice makes sense; you need to throw off that indoctrinated, parental yoke that may prevent you from expressing yourself openly and without fear. I probably won’t leave this story posted for long as I’m not yet ready to be that good a writer. I say this because neither of my parents is dead, this post is about one of them, my father, and I don’t want either of them to read it.
My father is in his eighties and in the last couple of years I have set him up with his own computer in his study, got him on line, and left him to it. It took him a while to get used to the mouse and being able to click accurately on a link but he eventually got the hang of it. I taught him how to use Google and he now wanders happily round the web planning trips and cruises and looking at freemasonry propaganda and WWII clips on YouTube. But that’s about the extent of what he knows about computers. He doesn’t know how to open different programs, or how to delete things, and he certainly doesn’t know how to cover his tracks.
About six months ago, he told me that he wanted me to look at his computer as something had appeared on it that he didn’t know what to do about. He pointed at the screen, at an icon that was now sitting on the desktop, saying “How did that get there and I wouldn’t like your mother to see that”.
The icon read “Anal Sex”.
I mumbled something about viruses and there being lots of dodgy things on the internet, right clicked it and deleted it. I probably should have checked the anti-virus and updated it as a couple of months later his computer was so full of nasty viruses that the hard drive had to be reformatted. That’s what happens when you have unprotected sex, I guess.
Last week I went to use his computer for something, I opened up the home page to use Google and his toolbar and home page had been “hijacked” by something called “Juicy” that promised, amongst other pleasure, lots of girls with double-Ds. That took a little more getting rid of, but I think it’s about time I sat him down for “the son-father talk”.
On the other hand, maybe I’ll just let it ride because there may be a health benefit in what he is “doing” in terms of living longer. Supporting this, have a look at this clip where noted actor Ernest Borgnine unintentionally reveals to the nation on Fox News the secret of his longevity—he masturbates a lot. And Borgnine looks pretty good here for 91, don’t you think?
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