About 2 months ago, Hubby brought me home a present. I love presents (who doesn’t?!), but with him, it’s ALWAYS a complete surprise. I mean, it’s not a surprise that he brings me a present – he really does do that fairly often – I’m just often surprised by the content of the presents themselves. Sometimes they are fantastic in that HOLY MOLY HOW DID I EVER LIVE WITHOUT THAT kind of way; sometimes they’re shocking in that HOLY MOLY WHAT THE HELL IS THAT kind of way.
Frankly, its one of the things I love about him.
For example, one day he brought home a perfect oak entertainment center he scored for free from someone who was getting rid of it; we’ve had it for about 10 years and we still use it. Another day, he brought home…and I’m not kidding, brace yourself…a day-glo ORANGE VELVET sofa that was 9 feet long. Not a cool, “retro lounge” kind of orange velvet, either. Someone was throwing it out (a blind person? Who else would have owned it in the first place?) and Hubby just loved that it was 9 feet long.
Another time he brought home an indoor electric lantern for hurricane season: this was good. He has also brought home two clown figurines swinging on a trapeze to hang from the ceiling (purchased at the local dollar store): this was bad. You can see why my heart palpitates when he says “hey, come check out what I’ve got!”
But this time, he let his inner-nerd hang out. He brought home a Clapper. Yes, you read it right: the Clapper. That device you hook up to a lamp and you clap to turn the lamp on or off. A real, honest-to-goodness, SHUT UP Clapper. Walgreens just loves it when Hubby comes to fill a prescription and has to wander the store for 20 minutes while it’s being filled.
Now, it’s a real good thing he’s a little nerdy, ‘cause this gift is proving just what a geek I am, too. He connected it to my reading light on the nightstand. I CAN’T MAKE IT WORK. I have NO rhythm. You have to clap twice. That’s it – just clap twice, with a pause in between claps, and it’s supposed to work. You’re probably doing it right now: “clap on…clap off…clap on clap off…the clapper!” Old ladies on the TV ads do it without any problem. But I, for the LOVE OF GOD, cannot clap it on or off! Hubby thinks this is the funniest thing since Achmed the Terrorist.
I try. Every night I try. I clapclap. I clap………clap. I sing the song and try to clap along with my own singing, but nada. No light comes on. Typically, since I can hear Hubby laughing at me from the living room knowing I can’t get it to work, I pretend it worked (he can’t see the light from the couch) and walk over to freakin’ lamp and TURN IT ON manually.
Now, also bear in mind that it’s any two-count rhythmic noise that activates the clapper. I’m waiting for Hubby to admit this may not have been a wise purchase. Let’s face it, while I may not be able to clap in rhythm, there has been quite a few Hello Hot Stuff evenings that have turned that little reading light into STROBE LIGHT from that freakin’ clapper going on and off. You don’t see that as a potential problem in the ads!
And do you think that would make him reconsider his purchase? Nope!
But later in the night, there’s another issue. I read for an hour after he’s fallen asleep… and I HAVE TO TURN IT OFF. I could reach over and click it off manually, silently. But HE bought this, HE chose the light to connect it to, and, thus, HE must suffer the consequences. Basically, the silent bedroom with my sleeping Hubby turns into something resembling a Rolling Stones concert – I’m clapping my freakin’ hands off, trying to get the light to go off.
It’s been 2 months now. How long before Hubby disconnects the clapper himself? Or, I guess a better question to ask would be: How long does the Clapper last before it burns out?
–Tracy
No comments:
Post a Comment