I sit here in my comfy home ….i look around to realize much like my childhood ..my house has bare minimun furniture.i have just the basics ..my mantle peice has nothing on it at all .ive been in this goverment owned house for 15 years now ..you would thing i would have it all set up but it isnt even decorated beacue i have no idea what i like ..which must mean i dont know who i am …i dont know my likes my dislikes i have just started collecting elephant trinkets and i dont even know why …its just another collection of myn that will fade away like the rest …i consider myself to be rather consistant but as i look around my empty house with walls painted drably and bare ….dirty finger prints on the doors and .crayon drawings on my wals from the little ones .i hear faint screaming comming just five houses down from mad mad doreen…the mentaly ill christain women who yells from her front door all hours of the night .calling all women satans whores and men satans cunts or bastards ….she wonts to stick all the mens penises in there mouths to shut them up and have the women die a painfull death in satins fires …she has amused us on many a hot night. …lucky i dont live to close to her but then i am stuck acrrosss the road from old italian man rocco…who use to slap around his daughters when they were teens in the front yard …the screatching comming from that house was simply awful till one day rocco got throat cancer ….karma can have a sence of humour at times ….he now speaks how rod steward sings and blows his fuckin whistle to gain your attention …like im a fuckin dog ..so i ignore him ..that is untill he comes knocking on my door when i have visitors over demanding they move there cars because they have parked on his side of the road …apparently he thinks i own my side of the public street and this is where and only where my family and friends must park ….many times i have told him to fuck of as i shut the door in his face ….but i love my street and its people like these who actauly make me think i am normal after all ..im the sane one ….its alright neema …your ok ..its the rest of the world that is strange …so was my life realy that bad then ..i mean shit i could of easily turned out like either of these two and statisticly i should of…how the hell did i end up normal …og fuck maybe im not normal …god am i just like them but in a diffrent way ..i still get told im a bit deffrent ..a bit strange in my ways ..but i dont see it at all …..no it cant be me no i wont hear it …….go away mind .i wont listen to such bullshit ..im fine …..im normal …..leave me alone i need a coffee now ….
As i come to the end of my book and just a few days before i hit the biggish 40 i feel a scence of sadness ..while i absolutly hate reading books myself .becasue im a slow ready and have to read every single bloody word ..then i loose interest .and forget what the story is about .blah blah blah …i havent even read all this back yet .and i wont .ive probaly doubled up on some things ..i know i have left many things out about my life still this isnt the complete me ..there is much much more about my life but it involves other family mmebers and my kids ..and i wish one day for them all to share there storys too .i have found that all my life i have been writting with out even know it ….as a teen i relijously wrote daily in my diary with gold embossing on all sides …that was untill i found out my sister had read it ..i then simply threw it in the bin …as it wasnt myn anymore is wasnt private so what was the point even keeping it now ……i struggled at throwing it out but new i had too ..all my secrets were in there so i thought …but i bet if i was able to read it now i could see that i kept many of my deepest secrets out of it ..a girls diary after all was ment to be fulll of nice things …the pretty things wsnt it …..then at aged 17 i began a new diary when i found out i was pregnant ..each of my children have one straight from conception to birth till i ran out of pages usualy by age 10 ..after that they can write there own
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