Learn to Love Again

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” – Leo F. Buscaglia

I have been reading this quote over and over again for the past hour… and it is exactly how I have been viewing life for the past few weeks. I have been going outside my comfort zone and doing things I would not normally do, in order to try and get over my break up with Dylan. I have to say I am doing better than I thought I would be doing… it has almost been a month now. As you may know, or probably have figured out by now… I seem to have a crush on my “whatever” guy. Honestly, I have considered that in the past, but again I simply told myself… “It means nothing” and “We are just two friends that are hooking up”, but I have to say I think my feels have grown since the last time I saw him. Just for the fact that I cuddled with him, and could joke and play with him made me wonder… could this ever be something more. the cuddling really got me because usually I feel really uncomfortable and awkward laying with a guy… but with him I felt… safe. Something that I look for in a guy… I want to feel completely safe with him, and protected. I know he would protect and defend me in any situation… but is that because he truly cares for me, or because I am his friend? Well, that is what I was going to try to find out tonight; after a short conversation with one of my good friends from high school she encouraged me to take a risk and find out what he thinks of me, or if anything find out what he thinks “we” are… easier said than done. After my last relationship, I am deathly afraid of rejection and getting hurt… but if I want to live a relatively happy life I need to take risks… even if that means leaving myself open for anything. So, I texted my guy about two hours ago… a simple text, “hey”, just to see when he would text back… and now I wait… wait for him to contact back… wait to ask him a question… wait for his answer… and wait to see if my heart will break or not. That all life is, a waiting game… wait and see what will happen, what will happen in your life. I still have not decided what exactly I will ask him, because I am not entirely sure what I want to know at this point. All I know is… I do have some sort of feelings for him… but what else is there for me? I will just have to find out… hopefully it turns out for the best. Until then.